Where does wholeness begin, and where does it end?
When we think about wholeness, what do we think about?
Do we think about it as a journey? Do we think about it as a destination? Do we look at ourselves as jigsaw puzzles as we squint our eyes to find the best next piece?
What is “wholeness”?
For me, wholeness just is.
As soon as we are born, we are whole. We exist, in our wholeness, as babies. I love thinking about babies in terms of wholeness because when you look at the way a baby exists, it exists in all that it is. It cries when it needs something, it laughs when it finds something amusing, and it just does what it does because it is what it is. We are what we are and what we are, are whole humans.
So, if we already are whole, then what’s the point in writing about this wholeness? What if, perhaps, people don’t agree that they are whole already because of whatever personal experiences go on in their lives? Nobody is wrong in claiming what they are versus what they’re not. Everyone gets the opportunity to define their own experiences.
To me, I am already whole, I will always be whole.
Even in moments where I feel absolutely retired of myself.
Even in moments where I don’t recognize myself.
I know myself is still there, somewhere.
I choose to view myself as whole because I know that in all of my wholeness, I just am. I don’t need to be anything else than what I already am because wholeness is inside of me, I was born in wholeness, I will die in wholeness.
I have a theory that as we get older, we begin to be influenced by others. Either it’s the whole “find your better half” or “in order to be whole you must be able to accomplish these (x amount of #) things” (I low key blame #InstagramTherapy for this.) But, to me, I feel that the reason why we are pulled away from our natural wholeness is because we start to judge where we are, rather than allowing ourselves to just *notice* where we are at without judgement or without the urgency to get somewhere else, quickly.
If you ask anyone that knows me well, I have an insane sense of urgency.
Whether it’s at work (let’s get all of this done NOW!)
Whether it’s with partners (ugh, can you tell me you love me yet!?)
Whether it’s with myself (15-30 min early to everything)
I always act like I am running out of time!
I’ve noticed that it’s very difficult to understand where you are at a certain part of your day, or month, or your…life, when you are constantly wondering what’s next! When you are constantly wanting something right in front of you to digivolve into all of the expectations that you have set in your mind. Instead, if we are able to just see something for what it is, in the time that it is presenting itself to you, it is much easier to be content (and accepting) of what just is. Just enjoying, that this is exactly what it is, right now.
This is what wholeness means for me. Just noticing where you are, who you are, and how you’re feeling. Knowing wholeheartedly that everything you are, everything you have been, and will be, exists already. You are whole. No one can tell you that you are broken, or that you are damaged, and that means that you need to fix something - find that piece that will make everything better because, we will always feel in flux! That’s wholeness, to accept that as a human being things will *never* be perfect, but as long as you wake up the next day, you will have achieved that wholeness over and over again. It is always there for you.
Y’all know I love looking up these words in the dictionary just to get a sense of what we’ve been taught to think about with these words.
In the Oxford dictionary, “wholeness” is:
noun
the state of forming a complete and harmonious whole; unity.
the state of being unbroken or undamaged.
It’s so interesting to me that “wholeness” seems to be defined as “harmonious” and having “unity” and yet, we look at wholeness as a state of being unbroken or undamaged…as if our brokenness, or our damage can’t just live harmoniously to our completeness. Two things can coexist even if they feel at odds with each other.
I obviously like to think in human terms because we are complex.
We are not plates!
But! Can things take different shape, and be whole? If we shatter a plate into a billion different pieces, of course we can’t eat off of that plate. If it simply cracks, does it mean it is no longer a plate?
(Promise we’re not going to get into a dark philosophical well here.)
If, as human beings, we go through something that shatters us, or that we feel is missing from us, can’t we take different shape and still be a whole ass shape?
I know (in my own heart, in my own opinion) that we are all whole humans.
We all navigate this world as best as we can with what we have. Does that mean that community doesn’t make us “whole”? Does that mean that we don’t have things that help us to rediscover that wholeness? No. Of course not. If anything, I think community and the people who we love, situations that make us feel good, are cursors into re-discovering our wholeness and basking in it! Like, hey there. You feel good.
We are humans that get lost. We go through shit. We feel brokenness. We feel like we are losing ourselves but I’m of the opinion that we really will always find ourselves.
If you do not feel whole right now, that’s valid. If you have suffered a traumatic loss, if you have suffered an ambigious loss, that’s valid and the suffering that comes with all of that does not feel like it caters to our wholeness and I do hope you find that wholeness again because, it is waiting for you. One of my favorite things to remind myself of is, no feeling lasts forever. Change is constant. Believe that you’ll find yourself again and you will.
I also acknowledge, fully and deeply, that this shit is not easy and there are days that I feel like parts of my broken self are everywhere like dirty laundry that I have yet to pick up and just step on instead. I, FEEL, YOU.
It’s a practice. It’s a committment. Like all things that are worth it, are.
I love you! You are loved. You are whole.
What makes you feel whole?